That was the day the world changed…at least for Reese it did.
Reese woke up as normal, just like everyday. He walked to the bathroom groggily, opening the mirror and taking out 2 bottles. He shook out 2 small white pills from one bottle and a small pink one from the other. Reese stared at them for a few seconds. He knew why he took them, he knew he had to, he knew this was the routine. They were his anti-depressants and his psychosis meds. He needed the small pink pill for his psychosis. Before, he would see and hear things that weren’t there for others. His anti-depressants, well they made him feel a little better. Last year, Reese had gotten sent to the psychiatric ward 3 times. He had attempted suicide, multiple times and suffered from a self-harm addiction. These, well these 2 small white pills were to try to prevent that from happening again. But today, today for some reason he just didn’t feel like taking them.
“Just one day..one day won’t hurt right? I’ll get back on them tomorrow..” He whispered to himself.
Reese put the pills back into their respective bottles and closed the mirror. He looked at himself. His eyes were dark, almost jet-black. He felt as if he’d stare into his reflection any longer, his hollow irises would consume him. Reese was a scrawny 17-year-old. He had shaggy brown hair, with a recently broken out face. He had on a wrinkly, but clean, white shirt and some plain grey shorts. He sighed and quickly washed his face; as he was rinsing off the soap, he jerked up at the sound of a whisper right next to his ear. But…no one was there. He finished washing his face and walked back into his room. It was a mess but he just hadn’t had the time to clean it. With homework, work, and a recent relapse in his self-harm urges, he just couldn’t find the time or energy for it. He looked in his laundry basket, his mom had done a little of his laundry to help him out, which he was extremely grateful for. He reached in pulled out a pair of jeans. Nothing special, just some plain black jeans. He slipped off the shorts and pulled on the jeans. His shirt was clean, so it would stay on, he decided.
He walked into the kitchen, his mom had already left for work. Work started strangely early for her, and he never knew why. He opened the fridge, pulling out the milk. He poured himself a small glass. As he lifted the cup to his lips, he could have sworn he saw a small child peeking out the hallway. His eyes widened, shocked, and he choked on his milk, accidently spewing it all over the kitchen floor. He coughed, looking up into the hallway, no longer seeing the small silhouette. Usually this wouldn’t have surprised him. His psychosis had caused many hallucinations before, but not like this. This was the first day he was off his meds, he had been off his meds by choice before and the hallucinations had never gotten this bad this quick. He washed his glass and hurried over to the door, slipping on his shoes and jacket. Maybe some fresh air would help.
He stepped out, locking the door behind him. It was a cold Saturday morning, like any other…almost. The trees…something was different about the trees. Then it started again. The whispers. Oh god the whispers. They were relentless and pleading. He couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying, but he knew it was the trees. He gathered begging after a few moments. They were begging, begging him to…to what? They wanted him to “come” but they wouldn’t say where. They just kept begging and he kept hearing the word “come”. Then, a buzzing in his back pocket. His phone, a call. It was his friend Nathan. He picked up, trying to ignore the whispers.
“Hey, Reese, what’s good man!” Nathan greeted cheerfully.
“I’m alright, I’m doing fine man. How about you? Any uh..any specific reason for calling?” Reese replied, trying to sound calm and collected.
“Nah, nothing special, just wanted to check up on you since..y’know..you relapsed and everything.”
“Oh.” Reese said, trying to hide the shame in his voice. “Yeah no I’m alright, I’m ok now.”
“You sure man? you can be honest with me you know that. You’ve been taking your meds right? You’re not going off of them unsupervised again right?” Nathan asked concerned. It sounded like he could tell something was wrong.
“…Yeah, yeah no I’m taking my meds. I’m on them, I wouldn’t go off them again I swear.” Reese said with a nervous chuckle, having paused for a moment before answering.
It was silence for a few seconds on Nathan’s end, like he knew Reese was lying but wasn’t sure how to respond.
“..Alright..” Nathan said suspiciously. “well man call me if anything comes up got it? And hey, let’s get together some time! I was talking to Andy and Marie and we agreed it’d be nice for us all to get together again y’know?”
Reese gave a friendly laugh in agreement.
“Yeah, yeah totally! You guys just text me and we’ll figure out a day.”
They said their goodbyes and Reese hung up. The voices had quieted down by now, quiet enough for him to think. Why had he come outside again? He..he needed to get something right? Somewhere he needed to go? He couldn’t remember…
“Come.”
That’s right. He did need to go somewhere. Wait no…no he didn’t need to..he didn’t want to. He couldn’t remember. He didn’t know. So he just kept walking. And the trees just kept whispering. Reese walked laps around the neighborhood. His head was empty, he was just walking. He wasn’t thinking, wasn’t heading anywhere, he just walked and dissociated. He finally came to when he realised the sun was much higher and when he checked his phone for the time, a little over 2 hours had passed. His phone buzzed in his hand. It was a text from his mom, she was home and was wondering where he was. He hurried back to the house, stepping inside and slipping off his shoes.
“Haha..sorry mom, I was walking around the neighborhood.” He chuckled nervously.
“Well my my, that was an awfully long walk. I came home an hour ago and I figured you had just gone over to the gas station to buy some snacks or something but you didn’t come back after awhile. I was a bit worried since you didn’t mention having any plans.” She explained, unloading the dishwasher as he Reese stood next to her, leaning against the counter.
“Ha..yeah sorry, I got carried away. You know how I get when I plug my headphones in and turn on my music.” He said. He felt a little bad for lying. He hadn’t been listening to music, he hadn’t even been thinking, and he hadn’t taken his medication today. But she didn’t need to know any of that.
“I know,” His mother scoffed teasingly. “I swear sometimes I feel as if you’re not even on this planet when you have those damn headphones in.” She chuckled.
They laughed together, joking. This was his favorite part of the day. Reese loved his mother, more than he had ever loved anyone or anything. He always wished moments like these would never end, that nothing would ever interrupt or ruin them..but something always did..and today it was the whispers. They came back again, more persistent this time. They were so much louder this time too. Reese shut his eyes, sucking in a breath through his teeth and clutched his head.
“Hun? Are you alright? What’s wrong?” His mother asked worriedly, reaching over and caressing his face.
“It’s nothing just..just a headache. I think I’m gonna go lay down..sorry.” He whimpered, still clutching his head. His mother told him it was ok, not to apologize and to go lay down. She kissed his forehead and watched him walk down the hall. The whispers were so loud they might as well not even be whispers anymore. It felt and sounded as though hundreds of people were whispering directly into his ear and wouldn’t stop. He managed up to his room and locked himself in. He stumbled to his bathroom and opened his mirror, grabbing a bottle of melatonin gummies and eating a few more than he should have. Reese didn’t care, he just wanted the whispers to stop. The begging, the pleading, the pulling, the aching, it wouldn’t stop.
“Come. Come. Come. Come. Come.“
He kept hearing over and over again in broken and cut off sentences as the voices overlapped and implored relentlessly. Reese stumbled over to his bed, throwing himself down onto the mattress. He covered his ears with pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, anything to try to get the voices to stop or be quiet. Reese began sobbing, the voices were merciless and it felt as though they were only getting louder by the second. They just kept going and going, louder and louder, until they just..stopped. Reese let out a relieved sob, followed by a shaky breath. He passed out seconds later from exhaustion.
Reese woke up to a moonlit room. The moon was bright tonight and was shining in through his window. At one point his mom must have come in saw him sweating because his window was now open and a cool breeze was blowing in. He looked over at his clock: 3:17 AM. He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. Part of him desperately wanted to go back to sleep but another part of him was waiting…waiting for something.
“Reese.“
Reese jumped. The voices were back, but they were definitely different this time. All at once..and more…gentle? They were no longer relentlessly pounding his mind, yelling, screaming and begging for him to come. They were calling him, beckoning him to join them. They sounded kind this time, their tone like his mothers whens he would comfort him during an episode or a breakdown.
“Reese. Come. You will be ok.”
Reese stood up and creeped down the hallway, careful not to wake his resting mother. The voices continued, inviting him to a place he’d never been to, a place he couldn’t tell you how to get to, yet he knew he could find his way. He slipped on his socks and shoes, creaking open the door as quietly as he could, and slipping out. Reese walked and walked, the only thoughts in his head not even his own, but the voices pulling him closer and closer to wherever they resided. He walked aimlessly, thoughtlessly, and with no worry as to what was happening.
Reese didn’t know how long or how far he had walked, he only knew he was there. He had reached his destination, where the voices had called him to. He stood solemnly in front of a tall, thin, winding tree. He took a deep, content breath and sat down, resting against the tree. In that moment, everything felt ok. Reese felt safe. As though he had escaped all his troubles. Reese thought of his mother. Her kind, soft, loving face and gentle, comforting touch. He could only hope she would understand. That she would be happy for him. Happy he had finally found his place, found peace. Reese closed his eyes and ran his hands through the soft moss he lay upon. He was finally home, he had at last found serenity.
Reese’s body was found 6 days later in a forest some miles from his home. His autopsy showed an overdose on his prescribed medication and others contained in his home. Deep cuts on his wrists and forearms were documented as well, but were not considered the primary cause of death. His wounds and overdose were written as the cause of death in his documents. Reese’s mother and friends aren’t sure if there was anything they could have done to prevent this. Nathan had reasonable suspicion to believe Reese had not taken his meds that day as he explained, recalling the phone call from that day. Loved by many, may Reese Wildren rest in peace.
